Nanowrimo

The last two months flew by in a blur. Of course it's not always easy to get a routine started, especially that I had more than 2 weeks vacation in there between, but I really haven't gotten forward at the pace I was expecting to. I was hoping to be finishing the first draft of one of the stories by now, but I've barely written anything in the time I've been here.

The biggest problem has probably been my inability to concentrate on any one story. Coming here, I had three stories I wanted to do: two that I just had written the beginning to and one that I had already written some 35000 words (77 pages in Word), but that I considered to be complete shit (the other two I actually liked). On top of that, I found from an old notebook a story I had started to write in Finnish some 7 years ago and thought would actually be kind of nice to finish, and then a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend gave me the idea for yet another story, that I just had to start writing. So 5 stories all together.

To solve the problem of concentration and procrastination, I decided to participate nanowrimo, national novel writing month. It's an event where hundreds of thousands of people around the world try to write a 50 000 word novel in one month (November). The idea is, that to be able to write at such a fast pace (1667 words per day), you have to say goodbye to your inner editor that's usually keeping you from writing by telling you you're not good enough or the text is not good enough. By no means are you supposed to have a finished novel in your hands by the end of the month, but a first draft, that you can start to work on after November (read more in www.nanowrimo.org).

To have the best chance of succeeding in this challenge, I decided I should go with a story I have prepared the most, so I decided on the story I started to write already in 2005. The plot was in no way complete in my head, but at least I knew approximately where it was headed as opposed to the other stories I'm writing. You can read the introduction here.

The challenge started on 1st of Nov, and I got a good head start writing over 5200 words during the first day. But now it's only the third day, and already I'm starting to slow down. It feels like such a struggle to get the words on paper, and even though I decided I would just keep on writing no matter how bad I thought the writing was, I'm finding it increasingly difficult. This is in no way helped by the fact that my friend participating the challenge seems to be able to mystically produce incredibly awesome text at the flick of her wrist at the same pace that I'm writing text that would need to be taken through ten top class editors and it still probably wouldn't be as good as hers naturally is. I know I shouldn't compare, but it's hard not to.

However, I better get back to my writing board. The official goal for the weekend would be at 6667 words, but since I've already passed that, my goal is to reach 10 000 words. The faster I get the writing done, the faster I'll be able to edit this chaos of a novel. So, 400 more words to go tonight (leaving 2500 for tomorrow). Doesn't sound like much, but at the pace I'm going right now, it could take hours. (Although I'm motivated by the thought I'll get to reward myself with another episode of Ringer as soon as I'm done writing.)

End of excuses

A few days ago we moved to Budapest with my boyfriend. I left behind my job and studies, and for one full year, I have no obligations whatsoever. It’s like a lengthened holiday. Except for one thing.

Now I have a whole year ahead of me with nothing but time for writing. I know it would be a dream come true for countless aspiring writers (who would probably punch me for saying this), but instead of overflowing joy and excitement, what I’m really feeling is fear. That’s right. In fact, it scares the shit out of me, and you know why? Because I’ve run out of excuses.

Time’s always been the deciding factor in my lack of writing. You know the drill? “Oh, I could write a book, if I just didn’t have all this work/home work/house work and I didn’t have to meet with friends/see my boyfriend/insert your own excuse here…” or “I have this great idea, but to get it on paper, I would need time to sit down, and I’m always so busy…” None of that anymore. So now, with all this time in my hands, if I don’t manage to write a (good) book, it’s simply because I’m lazy/unimaginative/a bad writer/all of the above.

How do you think it would feel finding out, after years and years of dreaming of becoming a writer, that you really didn’t have it in you?

PS. Ok, I am a little excited as well.

Road block

Where the hell is this story going? Could somebody please tell me?

When I started, I thought the story would tell itself, reveal itself to me if I just kept writing dutifully enough. But no. I’m seriously in trouble here.

I have no ideas whatsoever, and writing is like walking in the piles of snow gathering on the sidewalks outside. If I want to write my thousand words, it’s just incredible shit, and what’s the point in that? At this point, I’m not sure anymore which is more important: to write well, or just to write.

I know it’s important to keep on writing and not just sit around and wait for an inspiration, but on the other hand it’s kind of frustrating to write something, that you know you are going to have to edit a lot, or even to change completely. If you write the whole book “wrong” (to an ending you don’t want for example) it’s quite a lot of work to start editing from the start.

Any words of advice?

Dreams for a writer

About a month ago, I finally started to write a book. Not just a story line, a plot, an idea or a beginning of a story, but an actual book, probably for the first time in my life. Oh, I’ve started to write a book a million times before, but I don’t think I ever really believed that I could finish it. Maybe I had a plot, but I just couldn’t put any meat around that skeleton, or then I just wrote, but couldn’t figure out a plausible plot. I had a lot of fun coming up with different worlds and characters, thinking what they would say and how they would act, but when it came time to actually sit down and write, I just couldn’t do it.

Then, a month ago, I made a decision. I would write a thousand words every day, save the occasional free day to vent my mind. My boyfriend gave me an idea for a story, and I just started to write. Even though the idea originally was to write something every day just to get used to the practice and hone my writing, I think that somewhere in the back of my head I knew from the beginning that this time I would do it for real. I would start to write a book, and I wouldn’t stop before I’d finished it.

Now that I’m past my first 25 000 words, I’m really starting to feel the pressure. Even though I feel my writing is complete shit, and no amount of editing could make that right, I can’t just drop the project and walk away. I have to finish it. No matter how crappy the story turns out to be, I need to finish it. Finish it, just finish it! (as someone once said).

The problem is, I have no idea how. From the start, I’ve been following the advice of my favorite author, Stephen King, and I’ve been writing without a plot. I had an idea, a scenario, and I started to develop it, wondering what would happen, how it would turn out, so even I haven’t been able to tell what’s going to happen in the next two pages (around 1000 words). I’ve been figuring things out while I go along. But now I’ve really hit a road block. In the beginning there was a sub plot that was easy to develop, but now I’ve come to the point where I actually have to start deciding the big lines, and that scares me.

So, I started to write a blog. Partly to share my worries and problems and ideas with my fellow writers, partly in anticipation of the future. If I ever really do finish my book (and I’ll be damned if I won’t!) and decide to publish it (a big gulp!), I’m going to need a marketing channel. And even though this blog might not get a million readers, or any at all, it’s as good a start as any.